I shot out of bed in the middle of the night to put this to paper. It seems so poignant to me at this moment. Comparison: I’ve been doing a lot of it lately. And I’m starting to think of Comparison as the graveyard where all my self acceptance, joy and love goes to die. It kills my self esteem, my self acceptance and my confidence. I believe it robs me of my joy, my happiness, and my freedom.
It steals from me the experience of love.
If I am unable to love my body, my image in the mirror, and in turn, myself because there is no state of “good enough.” And I know that on days when I am not busy comparing myself to other women I look back at photographs of myself then and compare myself to me now and me then…as if they are two different people!
When I was thinner, younger, prettier.
When my breasts were perkier and I had less wrinkles around my eyes.
When my hair had less grey and my skin was fair and even.
Seriously, I am in competition with myself and I feel like I’m losing!!!! That is freakin’ comical.
It’s madness. And maybe most sadly, it robs my partner of having all of me. Every time he turns his head to admire another woman I feel the sting of “not enough.” I close myself off or pretend that it doesn’t exist for me but there is that niggling feeling that there is something better out there and it’s just a matter of time until he figures that out too.
But what I know to be true is that everything that lives in darkness cannot exist once it is brought to the light. So, here I am to share my fears, my thoughts and feelings and to hopefully help others do the same.
Today I let go of comparison: I will look at myself with love, appreciation and lightness. I will look at other women and appreciate all that they are without feeling diminished.
I will LET GO of comparison.
Instead, I will step into self acceptance, joy, and love ~ It is there for the taking; first come, first served. And it never runs out.